I’ve had a sort of epiphany recently. It’s something I’ve probably heard a million times, but it’s just become so apparent to me now – You can’t be happy in a relationship unless you can be happy being single. Obviously there are many other things that contribute to having a successful relationship, but I think this is at the top of the list.
So many couples fight because one of the two people is too reliant on the other for their security and happiness. So many problems stem from this unhealthy reliance including distrust, “neediness”, etc. You always hear the cliche of meeting your “other half”, but I think that that is a very unhealthy way to view relationships. A relationship should not consist of two people who feel incomplete and inadequate somehow filling each other’s voids, but should be two happy, healthy people who form a couple – not two halves forming a whole, in other words.
Do you ever notice that the most attractive people are the people who go through life with confidence and self worth? I’m not talking about the people who are egotistical obviously, but the people who are satisfied with who they are, accept themselves, and pursue their own interests. I think I’m slowly, but surely getting to that point in my life.
To be able to function in a relationship, I think you have to have a few years of what some would consider “selfish” living. Before getting into a long term relationship I think you should explore all of your interests, know your likes and dislikes, find out what sort of person you are, have a healthy body image, find out what you believe and why, etc. You should be complete. You should know yourself inside and out. Another person will not complete you. They really really won’t. Everyone has shortcomings and will disappoint you. If you are depending on someone else for your happiness, you will not be very happy because they will let you down. Even the most perfect person out there will let you down. I think “finding yourself” is something everyone should do before pursuing any sort of long term relationship that could potentially end in marriage.
Well, I’m not really sure how to wrap this up so I’ll just leave you with that. I’m not trying to pretend I know everything – or anything at all for that matter – I’m just expressing what I have found to be true in my own life.