I have a complicated relationship with…well, relationships. This includes friendships, relationships with my family, as well as romantic relationships. Today I focus on the romantic ones.
I have not been “single” for more than a few months since 5th grade. Crazy, right? It’s not that I’ve dated a huge number of people, I just tend to find myself in long term types of relationships. At first, I became desperate to find another person to cling to, but I’m starting to find out that I prefer the single life (for now at least).
Whenever I am asked about my obvious disdain for relationships, I like to direct people to the John Mayer song called “Perfectly Lonely”. The lyrics seem to convey how I feel perfectly – “Nothing to do, no where to be…a simple little kind of free. Nothing to do, no one but me – and that’s all I need cuz I’m perfectly lonely. I don’t belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me.” However, John Mayer said it best himself when he introduced the song by saying, “This song is about a feeling that only lasts about as long as the song is”. So true. I can parade around acting like relationships are a burden that I have no interest in bearing, but I would be putting on a front. Everyone likes to have someone sometimes – I won’t pretend that’s not true. But I do often find myself equating being single with having complete freedom to govern your own life. Being single does come with a simple, yet refreshing feeling of being hassle-free. If I want to talk to a guy, I don’t have to worry about a boyfriend becoming jealous. If I want to spend an entire day watching Friends and eating ice cream, I don’t have to explain to a significant other that I need my alone time. I have the opportunity to be somewhat selfish without having to hurt someone else’s feelings.
“I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later.” -Summer Finn, (500) Days of Summer …… I’ll be 20 years old in December. I can be the most emotionally mature person in the world, but that does not change the fact that I am young. It seems as if all of my equally young friends are on a mission to get married and/or have kids at as young of an age as possible. If that’s what makes them happy, more power to them, but personally, there are many experiences I would like to have before “settling down”. We have our whole lives to be married and have kids – why start now? I’d rather enjoy being at liberty to do as I wish and save the responsibility of having a family for a later time.
While I am young, I am old enough to where any person I date now could potentially be my husband. Any sort of relationship I am in now will end in one of two ways: marriage or a break up. I am not ready to be married any time soon, so that leaves my relationships ending in break up. I don’t want to get hurt, and I definitely don’t want to hurt anyone else. Until I am in a place where I feel I am ready to be in a relationship that lasts forever, I don’t see the need to be in one at all.
Finally, it’s not all about logic. I know have given a few solid reasons as to why it doesn’t make sense for me to be in a relationship, but it’s hard to stay logical in these sorts of situations. My biggest reason for being single is just that I love the feeling of being single. Even if that were my only reason, it’d be enough. I am perfectly content where I am right now. I don’t see being single as a transitional phase before being married. It is simply the way my life is right now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.