Why I’m Single

I have a complicated relationship with…well, relationships. This includes friendships, relationships with my family, as well as romantic relationships. Today I focus on the romantic ones.

I have not been “single” for more than a few months since 5th grade. Crazy, right? It’s not that I’ve dated a huge number of people, I just tend to find myself in long term types of relationships. At first, I became desperate to find another person to cling to, but I’m starting to find out that I prefer the single life (for now at least).

Whenever I am asked about my obvious disdain for relationships, I like to direct people to the John Mayer song called “Perfectly Lonely”. The lyrics seem to convey how I feel perfectly – “Nothing to do, no where to be…a simple little kind of free. Nothing to do, no one but me – and that’s all I need cuz I’m perfectly lonely. I don’t belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me.” However, John Mayer said it best himself when he introduced the song by saying, “This song is about a feeling that only lasts about as long as the song is”. So true. I can parade around acting like relationships are a burden that I have no interest in bearing, but I would be putting on a front. Everyone likes to have someone sometimes – I won’t pretend that’s not true. But I do often find myself equating being single with having complete freedom to govern your own life. Being single does come with a simple, yet refreshing feeling of being hassle-free. If I want to talk to a guy, I don’t have to worry about a boyfriend becoming jealous. If I want to spend an entire day watching Friends and eating ice cream, I don’t have to explain to a significant other that I need my alone time. I have the opportunity to be somewhat selfish without having to hurt someone else’s feelings.

“I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later.” -Summer Finn, (500) Days of Summer …… I’ll be 20 years old in December. I can be the most emotionally mature person in the world, but that does not change the fact that I am young. It seems as if all of my equally young friends are on a mission to get married and/or have kids at as young of an age as possible. If that’s what makes them happy, more power to them, but personally, there are many experiences I would like to have before “settling down”. We have our whole lives to be married and have kids – why start now? I’d rather enjoy being at liberty to do as I wish and save the responsibility of having a family for a later time.

While I am young, I am old enough to where any person I date now could potentially be my husband.  Any sort of relationship I am in now will end in one of two ways: marriage or a break up. I am not ready to be married any time soon, so that leaves my relationships ending in break up. I don’t want to get hurt, and I definitely don’t want to hurt anyone else. Until I am in a place where I feel I am ready to be in a relationship that lasts forever, I don’t see the need to be in one at all.

Finally, it’s not all about logic. I know have given a few solid reasons as to why it doesn’t make sense for me to be in a relationship, but it’s hard to stay logical in these sorts of situations. My biggest reason for being single is just that I love the feeling of being single. Even if that were my only reason, it’d be enough. I am perfectly content where I am right now. I don’t see being single as a transitional phase before being married. It is simply the way my life is right now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Why I’m Single

  1. “Until I am in a place where I feel I am ready to be in a relationship that lasts forever, I don’t see the need to be in one at all.” Very well said! I think it was great that you touched on lonliness, but lonliness isn’t just from not having someone. You can have a husband/wife and a house full of kids and be “lonely”. The best thing you said was in your last paragraph and that is being CONTENT. We all need to be content in whatever situation we are in; that’s what God’s Word says and it changes all thedynamics of our day when we are content and accept ourselves and our situations.

    As always, LOVE reading your blogs!

  2. Aunt Janet

    Great post Tori! If you do not mind, I think I may cut and paste and use with some of my Upward Bound girls if the chance arises and I feel it would be fitting.

  3. Go right ahead – that’s actually really flattering!

  4. Cara!

    Hmmm yeah, it’s weird that a TON of my friends are getting married and having kids, and I’m just like, “Wait, what?” To be honest I sort of feel sorry for them. Like, do they realize that they’re getting into a life-long commitment? I just think they’re all trying to grow up too fast, or something. At times I feel bad for being 22 and not having a boyfriend, but I’m usually completely cool with it. You’re right – we have the rest of our lives for marriage and kids. No need to rush or stress about it.

    Anyway, I really like it when you write. You should post more. 🙂

    -Cara

  5. Thanks, Cara! Glad that someone feels about the same as me. Also, I’ll try to post more. I wish more people gave feedback. I don’t even know if my views are a ton of people reading or just a few checking in from day to day… Hmm….

  6. Cara!

    Haha, it’s probably me checking in from day to day.

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