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It’s A Wonderful Life

I probably should have had this thought years ago, but I just started thinking about the differences between wishing you were dead and wishing you had never been born.

For some reason, it seems like people react more to someone claiming they want to be dead than to people wishing they’d never been born. Perhaps it’s because you actually can commit suicide and you cannot be “unborn”. I just think it’s odd that people seem to think a suicidal person is more serious than a person wishing they had never existed. To me, that seems far more depressing. I think most people, at some point in their lives, wish they could just go to sleep and never wake up. I’m not referring to suicidal people, but to people who feel so overwhelmed that this idea simply creeps up on them. When stress and life have really gotten to me, I’ve had this thought, but I have never ever wished I had never existed. That seems like a terrible thing for someone to think about – devaluing your life so much that you wish it had never been. This is saying that you believe nothing good has come from your life, and the world would have been better off without you.

I don’t know. Just a thought I had. Merry Christmas haha.



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For Your Christmas Playlist….

A few songs you should add to your Christmas playlist if they’re not already there (click the links to go to the songs on youtube) ~

1. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” -Norah Jones & Willie Nelson

2. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” -Frank Sinatra

3. “Winter Wonderland” -Michael Buble

4. “Merry Christmas, Baby” -B.B. King

5. “Sleigh Ride” -Ella Fitzgerald

6. “Let It Snow” -Frank Sinatra

7. “Blue Christmas” -She & Him

8. “All I Want For Christmas” -Matt Costa

9. “White Christmas” -Bright Eyes

10. “Santa Clause Is Comin’ To Town” -Bruce Springsteen

11. “Wonderful Christmas Time” -Paul McCartney


Merry Christmas!

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The Music Industry Is Either Dead Or Dying

A fan asked Josh Dies (lead singer of Showbread) the reason he thought the music industry is dead. This was his response (and I agree with him)…

“Illegal downloading has all but destroyed the music industry. today the best selling artists in the world sell about 2 or 3 million copies of their records. when i was in highschool it wasn’t at all unusual for popular artists to sell 20-30 million.
stealing has also crippled the attention spans of listeners. music “fans” have nothing invested in music because they steal it or download it with a click and as a result they often feel no attachment to the art and won’t support it live or follow it. when people had to seek out information on their favorite artists and then drive to a store and purchase a physical album if they wanted to hear anything from it, they invested a part of themselves in the process. this investment is by and large forgotten today.
people have come to believe they are entitled to free art and become agitated when it is implied or suggested that something that cost a lot of money to make should be worth money.
more and more big artists are giving up on touring and making albums because there are few ways to fund something that won’t pay for itself. record labels and concert venues are going out of business left and right.
it’s dead.”


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Why I’m Single

I have a complicated relationship with…well, relationships. This includes friendships, relationships with my family, as well as romantic relationships. Today I focus on the romantic ones.

I have not been “single” for more than a few months since 5th grade. Crazy, right? It’s not that I’ve dated a huge number of people, I just tend to find myself in long term types of relationships. At first, I became desperate to find another person to cling to, but I’m starting to find out that I prefer the single life (for now at least).

Whenever I am asked about my obvious disdain for relationships, I like to direct people to the John Mayer song called “Perfectly Lonely”. The lyrics seem to convey how I feel perfectly – “Nothing to do, no where to be…a simple little kind of free. Nothing to do, no one but me – and that’s all I need cuz I’m perfectly lonely. I don’t belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me.” However, John Mayer said it best himself when he introduced the song by saying, “This song is about a feeling that only lasts about as long as the song is”. So true. I can parade around acting like relationships are a burden that I have no interest in bearing, but I would be putting on a front. Everyone likes to have someone sometimes – I won’t pretend that’s not true. But I do often find myself equating being single with having complete freedom to govern your own life. Being single does come with a simple, yet refreshing feeling of being hassle-free. If I want to talk to a guy, I don’t have to worry about a boyfriend becoming jealous. If I want to spend an entire day watching Friends and eating ice cream, I don’t have to explain to a significant other that I need my alone time. I have the opportunity to be somewhat selfish without having to hurt someone else’s feelings.

“I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later.” -Summer Finn, (500) Days of Summer …… I’ll be 20 years old in December. I can be the most emotionally mature person in the world, but that does not change the fact that I am young. It seems as if all of my equally young friends are on a mission to get married and/or have kids at as young of an age as possible. If that’s what makes them happy, more power to them, but personally, there are many experiences I would like to have before “settling down”. We have our whole lives to be married and have kids – why start now? I’d rather enjoy being at liberty to do as I wish and save the responsibility of having a family for a later time.

While I am young, I am old enough to where any person I date now could potentially be my husband.  Any sort of relationship I am in now will end in one of two ways: marriage or a break up. I am not ready to be married any time soon, so that leaves my relationships ending in break up. I don’t want to get hurt, and I definitely don’t want to hurt anyone else. Until I am in a place where I feel I am ready to be in a relationship that lasts forever, I don’t see the need to be in one at all.

Finally, it’s not all about logic. I know have given a few solid reasons as to why it doesn’t make sense for me to be in a relationship, but it’s hard to stay logical in these sorts of situations. My biggest reason for being single is just that I love the feeling of being single. Even if that were my only reason, it’d be enough. I am perfectly content where I am right now. I don’t see being single as a transitional phase before being married. It is simply the way my life is right now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.


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Back To School

Back to telling every teacher at least twice that I go by Tori, not Victoria, and that’s T-o-r-i…not Torie, Tory, Torrie, Torey, etc. etc.

Back to buying an entire pack of pens on the first day and somehow losing them all in a week.

Back to staying up late, waking up early, and being grumpy until at least noon.

Back to promising myself that I will never cram or procrastinate homework/studying, but losing that drive after a couple weeks.

Back to making lunches for school so that I won’t have to overpay for unhealthy, gross food.

Back to doodling intricate works of art on the backs of notebooks.

Back to snoozing my alarm until the last possible minute and then rushing around like a crazy person to leave on time.

Back to wondering why you always have that one teacher who clearly hates teaching, but somehow keeps doing it for 20 years.

Back to trying to figure out why, after 8 years, do I not have a desk to do my homework at.

Back to watching the weather channel intently whenever it snows, hoping for a snow day.

Back to having to choose only 2 of these 3 things: good grades, social life, and enough sleep (seriously, you can’t possibly have enough time for all 3!)



All that being said, I’m excited to start school at Purdue University Calumet on Monday. Finally on my way to a career. Majoring in Secondary English Education and probably going to add two minors (French and Math), if anyone cares to know.





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The Good Ol’ Days

Sometimes I look back on different “eras” of my life and wish I could relive them. I honestly don’t do this too much – I’m pretty good at keeping myself grounded in the present and getting excited for the future. However, on occasion, I do get wrapped up in nostalgia (as we all do) and think of my past as the “good ol’ days”. Funny thing is, even though I look back wistfully now, at the time of most of my greatest memories, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything special or worth remembering.  There are definitely times when I have been in moments so perfect that I literally think, “Soak this in because you will forever remember this and wish you could be back to where you are right now”, but these moments are few and far between. Most of the time I am wishing I was back in very average chapters of my life. I guess when I reminisce, I sort of forget all the bad and only remember the good of my past (perhaps I’m  just a romanticist).  I wonder how long it will take for me to wish I was back in the good ol’ summer of 2011 again….

I guess the moral of all this is to appreciate each moment of everyday because one day you will probably wish you were back to where you are now. A better moral would be to stop romanticizing the past and get excited for your present. And if you don’t have anything to be excited or passionate about – change that!

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Dear John Mayer…

I am truly sorry for misjudging you in the past. Somehow, I was convinced that you were a talentless, swooning singer that only attracted sad, lonely women. I very much regret any bad thought that ever stumbled through my mind regarding you or your music. After actually giving your music a chance, I am proud to announce my conversion to John Mayerism. You have an incredible amount of talent and your music is simply awesome. On top of that, you seem like a pretty funny guy. Please keep making great music and proving to music snobs everywhere that you deserve the fame that you have acquired.

In utmost sincerity,



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